Grampa and the kids March 1, 2007

Cutest man in the world!

Spring 2008

OK, I officially really bad at writing updates!  All is well in the Holihen house.  We are keeping busy with homeschooling and playing with Lucia.  She is so very loved!!! 

Well, it looks like we are moving.  Terry is being transferred to West Palm Beach.  While we will be relieved that Daddy no longer has the long commute, we are so sad to be leaving family and friends.   God has blessed us so much here in Naples.  Not only did we get to hold our very own Saint here, but we have also met some living angels and some amazing friends. 

It is amazing how healing it has been to have Lucia.  She is such a gift and a blessing.   There is still a little hole in our hearts for our baby Gem.  Mr. Ryan (who is 4) talks about her frequently.  Just today he said to me, “I which if Gemma not die.”  I couldn't agree with him more.  But at the same time, our lives are so much fuller because of her. 

As for the future, who knows what God has in store.  We try to keep our hearts and minds open to His will whatever His will is for us.  For the time being, we are just cherishing every moment with each other and our four beautiful living children.  God is good!  All the time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

November 2007

We have just returned from a trip to our favorite place in the world, St. Augustine, FL.  We love tromping around the grounds of the mission and visiting the Shrine of our Lady of la Leche.  We came to give her thanks this year for little Lucia Faustina and ask for her intercession in our newest prayer request, the adoption of a child with Down Syndrome, if it be God’s holy will.  “Thy will be done, not mine!”

While this may sound crazy to some, one of the gifts that our Gemma has given us is love for these special children.   Over the past two+ years I have met so many wonderful friends who have been blessed with a child with special needs and I have been able to see the blessings and joy that they bring to their families.  After a recent trip to visit a my dear friend Mary in MN, I had the opportunity to meet the sweetest little boy, precious Peter, who happens to have a chromosomal abnormality, Trisomy 18.  He is almost 3 and as sweet and precious as you could ever imagine.  I was able to see the joy and love he brings to his brothers and sisters and the tenderness and love they share with him.  I also had the pleasure of meeting a mom who has adopted a little boy with Down Syndrome.  She can not speak highly enough of her son and the joy and blessing that caring and loving for him brings.  I had been feeling the pull on my heart of a special needs adoption before this trip and before meeting this mom, but it was actually a short trip to Perkins that made it so clear to me what a gift these special children are.  This short moment also made the desire in my heart so strong, to specifically adopt a child with Down Syndrome. 

A little girl in the waiting area with Down Syndrome approached Lucia (3 months at the time), she kissed her and wrapped her in her blanket.  She was so busy loving our little baby, that she did not want to leave.  Her smile simply grabbed my heart.  I prayed most of the flight back to FL and when I announced my desire to Terry when I got home.  He said with a smile, I knew this was coming, I just didn’t know when.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, loving, supportive husband.  I do have to add that our children are also blessed to have such a fun, loving, and devoted father, and if God does have a little boy or girl with Down Syndrome for our family, they would  be the luckiest little kiddo in the world to have such a wonderful daddy! 

We will pray, begin the home study, pray some more, and see what God has in store for us.  We want to begin the paper work now, as we love our children close together.  Shane and Ryan are 10 1/2 months and so close to each other.  They are best friends and more!  I also like the idea of being able to nurse or bottle feed my milk to this special little gift, depending on his or her needs.  We know that there are varying degrees of how these children are affected and feel that we have the resources and love to provide to one of these precious little ones.  We are also prepared to treat any heart defects and related complications.  Since Ryan and Shane were both 2 months early and spend a bit of time in the hospital we have been given some training.  :-)  Thy will be done!  God is Good!  All the time!  Please keep us in mind if you happen to come across a birthmom looking to adopt their child with Down Syndrome.

Summer 2007

Little Lucia has finally arrived!  We are thrilled to announce the birth of our fifth child, Lucia Faustina Holihen.   She was born on June 27, 2007 and weighted in at exactly 6 lbs and was 18 1/2 inches long!  She is so beautiful and perfect we feel so very blessed to not only have our only personal Saint praying for our family in heaven, but to also have four healthy children. 

I never thought the day would come when I would be able to hear the first cry of another child entering the world.   God’s infinite love and mercy are beyond words.   We are forever greatful for the new and beautiful life we have been given.  Thank you Jesus!  Thank you Mary!  God is good!  All the time!

4/28/07

Well, it has now been about a year and a half since we had the joy and the pleasure of meeting our little Gem.  Although will still miss our little Saint, life goes on.  The first few months after her death were excruciating, then the pain slowly lessened, and I am now left with just a subtle constant sadness, a little hole in my heart.  We will never forget Gemma, and she will forever remain a part of our family.

I read something after Gemma passed that really helped.  It was a book of families who had survived the death of a child.  They were all happy, healthy, and functioning after their loss.  None of the marriages ended in divorce, and none of the individuals turned to addictive behavior.  The one thing that all of these families had in common was that they all did something positive in memory of their child.  Everyone did something different, some started non-profit groups or got involved in various activist groups such as M.A.D.D.  What made a difference is that they all turned their grief into something positive.  We felt called to do something as well, but didn’t know what.  We prayed about it and I began by doing simple things such as creating her web-site.  I needed to occupy my time and feel as though Gemma’s life was not in vain.  We continue to carry on her memory by participation in various organizations and activities.  I do this as much for myself and my sanity as for anyone else.    These little things have helped me heal as well as prayer, holy communion, and confession.  I have also felt tremendous comfort in spending time in adoration in front of our Blessed Sacrament.  Unfortunately all of these things which have helped so much have been far too infrequent.  I am eternally grateful for our beautiful Faith and know that I could not  have done this without our Blessed Mother who continues to lead me to her most precious son, when I am willing and ready.  Often times I find myself getting too caught up in worldly things and this is just one of my many constant struggles that really has nothing to do with loosing Gemma, although I have used it as an excuse on many occasions. 

Immediately after Gemma’s death, I felt a longing to have another child and wanted desperately to conceive again.  I was upset with God and wanted to have control over my life.  Well, within four months we were pregnant again.  My body wasn’t ready and was not exactly a pure healthy temple for an pre-born child.  I was still needing help just to get to sleep at night and was not exactly eating the healthiest diet.  Well, three months later, we miscarried yet again.  This was our third miscarriage, fourth child in heaven, and our third loss since Ryan, our youngest living child.  This loss was especially difficult on me, but led me closer to God.  The pain was enough to motivate me to try to get to daily mass, which was exactly what I needed.  What a gift and a blessing to receive the most precious Son of God! 

The first year after Gemma died was still very difficult, especially after the miscarriage.   The pain seemed unbearable at time, even months after she died.  I wanted peace and I wanted to heal, but I was still struggling so much.  Juliana was going to start kindergarten in the fall, and I was going to officially start homeschooling her.  I decided to take a trip to DC, for the National Immaculate Heart of Mary Homeschool Conference.  I flew into Dulles on the day of Gemma’s nine month anniversary.

This was a real turning point for me in my grief. There was a layover in Charlotte, NC.  A city in which I had lived a horrible life my freshmen year of college.  I have many disturbing memories of that city and the sinful life I lived.  I was sitting on the airplane, staring out the window waiting for the plane to take off.  I was an emotional wreck feeling the pain of her anniversary and missing her so much.  As I looked out the window, I cried as the rain poured down.  The rain created enough noise to cover up my uncontrollable sobbing and I prayed desperately that God would show me a sign that Gemma was with Him and that she was looking down over me.  For months I had been hoping and praying for some kind of sign or dream, letting me know that she was OK and somehow still with me or watching over me.  As the flight took off and I continued to weep, a beautiful rainbow covered the city, that city in which I lived a despicable, self destructive life.  In all of God’s mercy and goodness, He chose to give me, an unworthy sinner, this beautiful sign that our Saint was alive in God’s kingdom.  My tears quickly turned to tears of joy as we ascended closer to the Heavens and closer to my little Saint.  I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort that day and the homeschool conference turned out to me more of a spiritual retreat for me that anything else.  Our God is a God of great mercy and compassion and he heals even the deepest wounds if only we ask. 

Well, we decided to get some medical tests done after that to see if there was a medical reason for our losses.  We sought help from Pope Paul IV Institute, although we never actually traveled there.  We learned the Creighton Model of NFP and quickly learned that progesterone was possible cause of the miscarriages and the pre-term births of both boys.  I strongly recommend this for anyone who has had two or more miscarriages. to reach others who may be struggling with this. The Creighton Model can detect many issues that can affect pregnancy outcome all which can be treated. Once my levels were OK to begin trying to conceive, we immediately got pregnant with what appears to be a healthy baby girl!  God gives and God takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!  If anyone wants to ask specific questions about the process and Treatment, please feel free to e-mail me and I’d be happy to share my experience with you.  gemmatherese@yahoo.com

We decided to name this little pumpkin Lucia Faustina.  Lucia, after Sr. Maria Lucia of Fatima and Faustina, after St. Maria Faustina, apostle of the Divine Mercy.  At the time I am writing this I am 27 weeks pregnant and working the Pope Paul VI’s Premature Prevention Program in maintaining this pregnancy as long as possible.I am on bedrest and on several meds, but we trust in God that if it be His holy will, little Lucia will come when she is good and ready.  :-) Terry gave her the greatest gift on Easter Sunday, her middle name Faustina which I had been asking for every night.  Little Lucia was and is so wanted.

and prayed for by our family and all of  her grandparents.  Saddly, the day we found out we were having a healthy baby girl, we learned that Terry’s dad, Ed had stage IV Melanoma.  God called him home on Divine Mercy Sunday, in all of His goodness and mercy.  I believe that even though Grampa will never get to meet little Lucia in this life, they are somehow divinely connected.  That’s all for now.

Mommy  and Lucia after birth